Dear FbN:
As you begin your blog, I want to go ahead and put this out there and state what I consider to be the single transitioning girls biggest concern: "Am I gonna be able to get a man with natural hair?"
I ask that those women who 1. may already be natural, 2. have a man supporting their quest already, or 3. don't care what others think of them in any aspect of life, not to judge and write this off as a shallow question that we need to "get over". This is a valid concern many women have because of the pressures that have been put on us to look a certain way. We have been programmed to think that guys like hair they can "run their fingers through"; the kind that blows with the wind! First, let's be reminded this is not just an issue Black women face. Women of all races and in other countries around the world hold stock in having straight and silky hair. Countless commercials and products make women of all races feel their natural curl is not beautiful and luxurious. Sarah Jessica Parker even forgoes the natural curl all of us SATC lovers know she has, to advertise hair care products with a silky straight mane. I say all of that to say that the pressure is even greater than some may think. Many women across the board just don't embrace their natural curl and will spend tons of money, time, and energy to cover up what's naturally there.
So, do men really care about a women's hair as much as we think they do? Well, I can say the one word answer to that is NO...BUT many men do care about the way the woman handles the hair. What's her attitude? Is she still seen as graceful and regal? Does she look well kept? (yea, I said it, because there are some ignorant men and women that associate some natural styles with not caring about appearance). I had to begin to ask myself "do I want a man who can't see me in my natural state as being beautiful?" No! We all deserve a man that will be our greatest encourager in this quest. Now don't get me wrong, we all gotta "keep it tight" and look fierce at all times! I'm just saying we must redefine what that means and realize that many real men out there love us as a whole being, natural hair and all.
Tracy
What do you think Readers of FbN? Is it possible to get and keep a man with natural hair? We have our opinions (which we will share in the comments section) but we want to hear from you.
We are not our hair! And I dont think it matters to men (real ones anyway). A guy friend once said, "Why do yall stress over hair so much? Amber Rose is murdering the game and she has none!" So I'm convinced that it is your attitude and presence that draws men to you. You know the whole, I get more holla when I'm looking a mess rule. We nag ourselves over things that men never even notice. So if you keep yourself neat, they may not even know you are natural. And we all know Erykah Badu KEEP a man. Need I say more?
ReplyDeleteI'm not even goin' lie like this never crossed my mind when contemplating whether I should go natural or not. Like Miss G mentioned in her intro post, we'd decided that we wouldn't even consider going natural until our boos had put a ring on it. Then I got over it, and made her get on the bandwagon. The mindset of 'my man isn't going to like it' just continues the vicious cycle and is just another roadblock that we ourselves put up because of our own issues with our hair. At the end of the day, how can we expect a man to be appreciative of our natural beauty if we aren't? I am thankful to have a beau who has supported my journey. I asked him early on his thoughts, and he always said that as long as it looked nice it didn't matter to him. Recently I went on a 2 month no heat challenge. When I finally pressed my hair for the holidays, I asked what he thought. I was sure he was ready to see me in a version of me that was most like when he met me...to my surprise he said he missed the curls. This just reassured me that all my issues with hair, were just that, MINE.
ReplyDeleteI just want to say that I am happily married and natural, but I feel that my husband has been looking at me sideways lately after I decided to cut my relaxer off. I feel that he will love me no matter what but his preference would be for me to have the long flowing hair that he is used to seeing. I feel that it will just take him getting used to the change. If any man loves you and wants the relationship to go somewhere, he will accept you as the Natural and beautiful queen that you are!
ReplyDeleteI cut my hair off last week, my boyfriend of 7 years is upset, but he still loves me. I've had a relaxer since he met, so the length and texture change is a little overwhelming. But I have gotten compliments from everyone. And I know I have made the best change for my health and my appearance.
ReplyDeletehttp://insertjadedtitlehere.blogspot.com/