Dear FbN: Redefining Beautiful

FbN,

I have a ton of emotions rushing in right now as we speak.  I just finished taking down my first real braidout (my own attempt at a two strand twist went horribly wrong a month ago)...I got it done professionally (call me lazy). I was highly anticipating the style in the days leading up to my appointment; I couldn't wait to officially start my two weeks no heat regimen (I need a nice roller set for my bday in 2 weeks!).  I took it out, and bam...before my eyes, there it was in all its glory...my "big hair"...it was all those adjectives ladies use to describe their hair in its natural state: kinky, curly, thick, to name a few.  I had to face it.  No longer was I hiding behind side swept bangs and longer hair framing my face...I now had to face it all...I had to face ME...I didn't realize what his moment was going to be like.  I didn't realize I was going to have to come to know and love my features in a whole new way.  Embrace my lips, my eyes, my cheeks and nose.  All that makes me the beautiful woman God created me to be is no longer hidden.  Then fear began to set in..."what are my coworkers going to think?", "how many *side eyes* will I get?", "does this look right on me?".  The first thing I wanted to do was complain: "its too 'big'", "its too frizzy", "its too short"...then I had to pause, take a second look, put on a smile, and realize, it was cute.  It was different. It was me...

 

I have to redefine what beautiful is.  All my life, beautiful has been, straight, long, and flowing...movement.  My hair had begun to take me on an emotional roller coaster even before I started this natural journey.  It had begun to break off and was much shorter and thinner than it use to be.  I started to lose confidence then too, but this is difference.  This is a chance to gain a new confidence.  A confidence in what I decide is beautiful!    I think that whatever I rock with grace, and class, and a confidence knowing that it suits me and who I am, is now beautiful, no matter what anyone else says.  We all have a right to decide for ourselves what beautiful is and as I go on this journey finding me, I am learning that.  I'm not there yet, but today was my first step in the right direction...